Well, friends, it’s finally happened. After 10 years of living this military life, I’m just now starting to let go of the awkwardness of asking a new friend for her phone number.
Oh, how I’ve waited for this day.
A few weeks ago, my kids and I, along with one other mom and her kids, were the last families left in the library before lunch. We started chatting. The conversation seemed to flow well, and she had mentioned that her daughter wasn’t making friends at school in the way they had both hoped for.
So I shot my shot. I looked at her and said, “Would you wanna have a play date sometime soon? Let me give you my number.”
My Kids Made Me Do It
I won’t lie, having kids makes this a thousand times easier. That’s honestly the whole reason we were there and chatting in the first place. In the past, I was so timid about asking people to meet up.
What if we don’t actually mesh very well? Or don’t even like each other? What if the hangout time is awkward, or I embarrass myself (let’s be honest, both of these are highly likely to occur)?
But now, my kids need friends, and so do I. If I catch even a whiff of military status and we have a decent connection, let me get your number. You get it, I get it, we all need support. Let’s hang out together.
Don’t get me wrong, I have some townie friends here that are awesome. But there’s a certain level of understanding between military spouses that is often lost in the civilian world. There’s a unique need (and acceptance) of asking for help right off the bat. Or, you’re more open about sharing more about yourself and your family than you might otherwise divulge.
Don’t Let Feeling Awkward Stop You From Making the Invitation: A Story
I met one of my townie friends when our sons attended a sports camp together. Against our better judgment, my husband and I packed up both kids at 8:00 am on a Saturday, armed with sunscreen and coffee, to watch our oldest son try his hand at 6 weeks of soccer, basketball, and baseball.
The things we do for our kids.
Since the camp was for the bigger kids, my youngest and I manned the cheering section on the sidelines. There were a few other younger siblings there, but for the most part, families were spread out. This particular week was baseball, and there weren’t many seating options. We opted to set up behind home plate, spreading out our blanket since we know kiddo number 2 isn’t sitting in a chair or on my lap for an hour.
We sat right next to a family of four—a mom and dad, and two grandparents —there to cheer on their kiddo. This family had brought a dog. My youngest is drawn to animals, and he spotted that puppy from a mile away. The choice of where to sit wasn’t even really mine.
The mom and I had a good conversation both weeks of baseball. We shared a lot of information about ourselves – except our names. We talked for two weeks in a row before I finally confessed that I didn’t know her name. Thankfully, she took it in stride (she didn’t know mine either), and now our families are good friends.
Older, Wiser, and Less Awkward (Sometimes)
Past me would not be so good at this. And especially, first married, newly minted military wife, me. She would not have liked this meet-you-once-at-the-library-and-exchange-numbers-and-have-a-play-date-at-my-house-later-that-same-week.
And she certainly would have had major hesitations about admitting she didn’t know your name after talking to you for two weeks in a row.
The friends I had in my hometown, before getting married, I had had for a long time. Most of them for more than five years. I met new people, but I had a group I hung out with, a job that gave me social interaction and fulfillment. I didn’t have space or a need for new friends in my calendar. And if I happened to meet someone I liked, I certainly wasn’t inviting them over to my house right away.
But older and wiser me knows the importance of making connections, even if that connection is due to move away before either of you is ready. In the military, we’re all used to being the new kid.
When you first move somewhere, you’re grasping at straws, looking for someone to give you and your kids an excuse to leave the hotel. As the more established spouse at a duty station, I like connecting with new families and showing them the gems I’ve found in town.
Maybe this is your sign to step out in faith and introduce yourself to someone, even if it makes you feel a bit awkward. Don’t worry too much about it – we’re all awkward here. Making connections isn’t easy, but it’s almost always worth it. So here’s to being awkward. May we embrace it.
Wanna hang out?
