This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to rush the process while in the kitchen. But it is the most recent. I often forget how messy the middle can be. But there’s nothing like making something with your hands to force you to pay attention to the process.
What to do When the Buttercream is Lumpy
Three times a year, sometimes more, I make buttercream from scratch. This is not a tradition I grew up with. We were a boxed-cake-mix-and-a-jar-of-frosting family. And it was lovely. But for some reason, as my oldest son’s first birthday approached, I decided to start a new tradition.
Still in a bit of a postpartum fog, I decided I wasn’t committed to making an entire cake from scratch. But I did want a personal touch. Buttercream seemed simple enough that I could make it at home for each birthday.
But I find that each time I make it, there’s a point where I wonder, “Am I doing this right? Is this going to turn out ok or am I going to ruin it?” (These feelings are usually strongest when I’m using my last stick of butter or the last of the powdered sugar. Or, naturally, when I’ve waited till the last minute to mix and frost the cake or cupcakes.)
Interestingly, it’s the same point every time.
I’ve creamed the butter, added the powdered sugar, and turned on the mixer. There’s a fine puff of sugar billowing in the air and onto the counter. After a minute or so of mixing, everything is together. There is no separation between the sugar and the butter, but it’s all kind of clumpy and not smooth.
Every time, I stop and wonder – is this what it’s supposed to look like? And every year I remember, if I just keep mixing a little longer, it will smooth out. Sometimes it looks worse before it looks better.
So, here’s your reminder to keep going. Keep mixing a little longer, and everything will smooth out.
You Can’t Skip the Messy Middle
How often do we stop in the middle because things don’t look like we think they should at that point? Stopping isn’t the problem, really, as long as we pick it back up and keep going. But we can’t abandon the project just because the middle gets messy.
For so many things, the middle is the messiest part. Starting a new project comes with energy, ideas, and excitement. The end is full of fulfillment, relief, and congratulations.
But the middle. The middle can be rough. It’s hard to keep going when energy wanes, and things aren’t coming together like we thought they would. Or when the timeline keeps stretching.
If I didn’t know what buttercream was supposed to look like, the middle is where I would stop. Looking at a clumpy mess, I might even assume I did something wrong.
But the middle is where we learn who we are becoming. Do we stop and throw in the towel? Do we delegate and have someone else handle the hard parts, or do we keep going, keep learning, trusting that we’ll make it to the end?
The messy middle is work. It’s showing up when we don’t want to, learning as we go, failing both publicly and privately. But it’s also getting back up. It’s trusting ourselves enough to know we can figure it out, and that the hard won’t last forever.
Good Things Take Time. Keep Mixing
It’s no secret that social media often edits out the messy middle. Instead, it gives us the highlight reel. We see the excitement in the beginning and the satisfaction at the end. But no one wants to be seen struggling through the middle. After all, we all have our own mess; who would want to see mine?
But by sharing the middle, we’re telling others (and reminding ourselves) that we are not alone. Instead, we’re all just doing the best we can with the information we have at the time. We’re all making choices, taking steps in a direction, and learning as we go.
What if the messy middle is where we find connection? What if the middle is our greatest teacher? Maybe we need to walk through the struggle and uncertainty to know where we’re going.
For me and the buttercream, I think it means I need to make buttercream more often. Just kidding (kind of). But more practice and more time spent in the middle reminds me that sometimes it looks worse before it looks better. Trust the process, and don’t stop even when it gets lumpy.
Things need time to come together. Nothing worth doing, having, or knowing comes easy. Everything requires work and mixing, time and movement, effort and attention.
So, take a step in a direction, any direction. And then another. Keep going. Give it all time to come together. And remind yourself not to stop in the middle. Keep mixing until it’s smooth.
Are you in the messy middle of something? What is this place teaching you?
