It’s graduation season! An exciting time of exploration and adventure. Maybe you’re finishing high school and enrolling in college, trade school, or the workforce. Or maybe you’re finishing college and moving on to more education or a job in your field.
Mostly, it’s exciting to think of all the possibilities that await you. But it can also be fraught with anxiety, pressure, and indecision. There are a lot of choices to be made. That can be overwhelming.
For some reason, this season I feel called to share some wisdom. Although I won’t lie, I don’t really feel qualified to give advice to the younger generation. I don’t feel that old (or like I’ve had that much life experience).
But then I remember I’ll be 40 at the end of the year. So. There’s that.
Rather than try to impart wisdom to the masses, I figured I’d speak to myself. I think much of what my past self needs to hear could apply to you, whether you’re a recent graduate or not. So, here’s some of what I’d like to say to myself many years ago.
Dear Past Me
Hey, it’s me, your Future Self. I’m writing to you from 17 years in the future (almost to the day of your college graduation).
Even though some time has passed, I can clearly remember how you’re feeling right now as you prepare to walk across that stage. You’re excited and proud of all you’ve accomplished. For the most part, you feel like you got a quintessential college experience.
But you’re also experiencing a lot of stress and anxiety about what lies beyond the stage. You’ve got some choices to make, and you’re feeling the pressure. Unlike many of your classmates, you don’t have full-time work lined up. And you’re not ready to head to graduate school and get into more debt.
I get it. We’ve always had trouble making big decisions.
But there are a few things I’d like to tell you. Now, with time and space from the big decisions, I’ve got some things to say.
It’s All Going To Be Fine
I know you think heading back to Barnes & Noble and working as many part-time hours as they will let you sounds… less than ideal. And in some ways, it is. But times are hard. Jobs are hard to come by. The choice to start here is not a bad one.
Any decision is just that, a decision. Once you’ve made it, you can move forward and on to the next one. As a bonus, this decision in particular sets you down some really fun paths.
At this job, you’ll meet your first post college roommate. You’ll move in with her into a great first place and have a wonderful time. This will give you the boost you need to move out of mom and dad’s house for good.
The part-time hours here will also give you time to explore other things you like. You’ll have time in your schedule for church, volunteering, writing, and even other part-time work. Not all jobs are this flexible. The pay leaves a bit to be desired, but that will eventually work itself out.
Don’t Be So Afraid
I know you. I am you. And I remember how afraid you were to settle on a choice. The perceived finality of decisions can be heavy, but you need to relax.
Trust yourself and don’t be so afraid. You’ll say no to a lot of great opportunities (including a six-month mission assignment to Eastern Europe), because you’re afraid. Don’t let fear be the driver.
As you get older, you’ll realize just how much fear has dictated in your life. Let that go now if you can. After all, all you can do is try to make the best decisions you have with the information you have at the time. You can’t know how those decisions will play out. Instead, you just have to trust.
Very few decisions you make in life can’t be changed. And I think, as long as you’re trying, you won’t be outside of God’s will for your life. You keep asking for them, but there aren’t any grandiose signs. You won’t ever get the neon arrow pointing the way.
But as you look back on your life, you’ll see tiny breadcrumbs. There will be little clues that God has actually had you on this path the whole time.
Start now – kick fear out of the driver’s seat and take back the steering wheel. It takes practice. You’re still practicing.
Invest In Your Community
Because you go to college in your hometown, it’s tempting to fall back into familiar patterns and friend groups. But now is the time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust me, you’ll need those skills in a few years.
Investing in your community can look all kinds of ways. Volunteer. Keep going to church. Approach new people when you see them sitting in the chairs in the back. Take a class at the library or rec center. Be brave and find a writing group. Chat up the barista at the coffee shop or the cashier at the grocery store. Learn about the people you see in your daily life.
Exercise your social muscles. Generally, you like (and still like) more alone time than people time. Practice the people time. The more you do it, the better you’ll get.
Stop Comparing Yourself
This one is hard. Even Future You struggles with this. But I remember how you felt so far behind everyone else.
Unlike your peers, you weren’t working in your field of study (or even working full time at all). You weren’t married to your high school or college sweetheart. (It will take some time to find your person, but rest easy, he’s coming).
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to keep up with where you think you’re supposed to be. Instead, spend time finding what you like. Stop comparing yourself to an invisible, made-up benchmark. Be where your feet are. Pay attention to what’s actually happening in your actual life. Enjoy yourself.
Some Last Thoughts
Make choices now in service of the person you want to become. Don’t let money, status, career progression, or societal pressure be the motivator. Think about your future self. What choice gets you closer to the kind of person you want to become?
Say yes to things if they will help you become that person. Pay attention to how you feel about the choices you’re making. You have a good internal compass.
Make sure to find a hobby. Do it because you like it, not because it will make you money. Do it because it lights you up. Be a lifelong student.
Take advantage of the time to explore. You’re not supposed to have it all together. Your 20s are for making mistakes and learning about yourself and how you handle those mistakes. No one expects you to have it all together.
You’ll have a few lean years, but money will come. Right now, you think you’ll never have a job to retire from. You’re probably right on that. Start your IRA now. And actually, put some money into it. Dad was right about that.
It might take a while, but turns out there’s no timeline to becoming who you are.
Get your yearly skin check. Move your body and learn what kind of movement makes you feel good. Don’t want until you’re almost 40 to make daily, intentional movement a habit.
Keep breathing. It feels overwhelming to have so many choices. The best you can do is make each choice as it comes with the information you have at the time. You’re going to do great.
It’s all going to work out. It might even be better than you imagined.
Love,
Me
